Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
