I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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