I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
