It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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