I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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