So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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