I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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