and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
