The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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