I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
