Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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