you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
