Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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