And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
