I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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