she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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