It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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