You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
