Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize