what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
