I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
