i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!