he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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