Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.