There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo