Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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