I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
