Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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