After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
