I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
