third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
