I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
