I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
