I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
