i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drunk is a universal language darling
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