Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
