M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
