Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I showed him my bush... on skype.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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