walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
