as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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