five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
