I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
