i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
