Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
