Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
