My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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