what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
