Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
