So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
