i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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