When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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