break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
