i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
