Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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