this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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