I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
