the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
