My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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