Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
