if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
