i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dignity is for republicans.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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