Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
