the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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