I've blown a few things in my day
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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