im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
