the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
