Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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