did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
