I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
