i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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