He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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