I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
