just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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