Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
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