i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
