'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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