Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
