I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
