I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
