don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
