I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
