im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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