One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
