I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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