So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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